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Been Some Time…

July 10, 2017

It’s been some time since I’ve posted anything, because my life has been a bit full lately. For one, a friend of mine attempted to hang himself in the middle of the night.

I’ve learned to sleep light in prison, and I woke to loud bumping and yelling. When I went and looked out of my window, I realized the guards were at my buddy’s door.
I wondered if he had overdosed. Only a few days earlier, a young man had overdosed a couple of cells down from him. My buddy wants to be sober, but can’t seem to break the habit.

I watched them bring him out of the cell and put him on a stretcher. The next day was when I learned it had been a suicide attempt and was able to learn from my therapist that my friend was recovering.

I didn’t think I’d see him again, figuring he’d be transferred, but he is back on the yard. Someone told him they missed him. I said, “Yeah, I missed you too, but only for a day, after that I had to harden my heart.” He said “Fuck you,” and we both laughed at the joke. But I think we both knew there was some truth to it…

In approximately a two week span: someone overdosed; two dudes attacked a Corrections Officer, who’d slapped a tray out of one guy’s hands; another guy pulled out and began masturbating in front of a therapist during a session; and my buddy tried to kill himself. Needless to say, the prison was put on lockdown for another couple of weeks.

A lot of pretty crazy stuff happens in here sometimes, and I’m just trying to stay afloat and not drown in a sea of misery where my spirit could be dragged to a benthic death. I hold it back but every now and then I just have to let go and cry.

I don’t like it here, so I figure I must fight tooth and nail. Before I was fighting the wrong kind of fight and getting into a lot of trouble. Now, I’m just trying to stay out of trouble. I’m going to groups, school, working out, and practicing to be a positive and productive person. I’m getting better all the time.

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One Comment
  1. I wonder if saying ‘sorry’ isn’t too pathetic for situations like these. Then I wanted to say ‘hang in there’ and went oops! Maybe: breathe. Just breathe.

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