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Guardian Angels

November 27, 2015

Scan 28

Since I’ve been incarcerated and before, I’ve had several very special women in my life. There were many who meant nothing to me or maybe just not as much as I thought at the time. It’s easy in the heat of the moment to confuse lust for love. Then, when it’s passed after a day, a week, a month at most, you think “wait a minute, that was fun and even passionate but not love.” This entry is not about my few potential and actual lovers. It’s about my Guardian Angels. Now, I think there are angels who fly through the sky; I know there are demons who crawl beneath the skin, and I believe there are angels who walk the earth.

I met Jacqueline at a hang out a couple of months before her 18th birthday. She was cold, and I offered to share my coat with her. We were not “an item” then, but we kept in touch through a mutual friend, and after I went to jail, she wrote me and even visited me once a week. After a year of this I asked her to marry me. At the time, we were prepared for me being incarcerated for a long time but not LIFE. She said “yes.” (Silly girl.) She stayed with me for two years, throughout the court dates and trial, all of which she attended. She made plans about how we’d have a real wedding and 10 (!) children. I talked her down to 2 or 3. We wrote, visited, and talked on the phone as often as we could. We loved each other as much as possible, and I knew when she started seeing another guy after I was sentenced to life, and I didn’t care. She still wrote, though less frequently) and came to visit often. In the end, I told her it’d be best if she left me. She said “No,” but I pushed her hard to get on with her life. Finally, she said “Okay,” and I panicked and begged her to com back. She remained strong saying I had shattered her heart, and she wasn’t coming back. She was going to stay focused on school and move on with her life. (How does such a bad boy attract such a good girl?) She went to school to become a nurse, met someone new, and has two kids. At first, she kept saying, “we can’t go back to being friends,” though I reasoned we’d never stopped being friends. She ignored me for years, but I finally talked to her during the time I had a cell phone, and we had a good conversation. She let me listen to her son sing his wordless on from his high chair as she fed him. I wished her well. There’s a lot more to the story our relationship—there were problems other than my life sentence. After her grandfather died, she built a wall around herself and barely let me in. It was rough. We were both so young—both still growing and changing. We probably wouldn’t have lasted forever, very little does, but I still love her. She was a guardian angel that got me through two very rough and miserable years. I was still in shock that I’d caused the death of another man and was facing a 25 years to life sentence.

Destiny and I bean a correspondence 15 years ago when I’d just turned 15. I was living in Seattle, Washington with my grandparents. She was from San Diego (my hometown), and we met on-line. We shared many letters, photos, and drawings, and it was a beautiful friendship. When I met her in person a couple of years later, I was high on meth and completely blew it. Our correspondence abated, but she’s since forgiven me, and she is one of my best friends to this day.

Samantha is also one of my best friends. We were both homeless when we met. She was wandering aimlessly with no shoes on her feet when I met her. I found some shoes and gave them to her to wear. After that we always hung out and held hands. I met her about ten years ago, and we keep in touch through Facebook and sometimes letters. She still wanders and usually does not have a fixed address.

Just before Dana wrote me, I lay in bed tossing and turning and praying to God  for woman to write me, praying “God, give me someone I can talk to and relate to.” I got her letter shortly after the last of many times I prayed that prayer. Boy, was in for a surprise. Not only was she physically beautiful on the outside, she was beautiful on the inside. The similarities in our interest and some of our conversations have blown me away. She lives a busy life as a university student and sometimes a long time passes without hearing from her. We had a phone conversation recently after 4 months of silence and all was still the same.

These are my guardian angels. The women who give me love and hope, along with my family and Grandma, who makes this blog possible. Also, thanks to my other angels, pen pals, and fans of my writing: Myla, Ali, and many others. Wow, it’s be beginning to feel pretty surreal to be saying all this.

If anyone out there would like to write to me, I’ll write back. My current address  is

Sean M. Couch, AA9603
Mule Creek State Prison, A-5-225
P. O. Box 409020
Ione, CA 95640

I like to receive comments and feedback on my poems and blogs.

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From → Art, BLOG

One Comment
  1. Samantha White permalink

    Sean,,, SaMANthA ♡, I have a LEttER For You, I’m gonna Try an SENd It OUT, ToDAY❅

    Like

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