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Born to Lose, Destined to Fail

January 2, 2015

Well, I decided about 6 months ago that I wanted to stop giving up on myself, and a few months afterwards I thought maybe it was okay to start holding onto a little bit of hope. I should have known! Every time things start to go right, they go wrong.

eyeI disavowed conforming to the simple minded way of prison life and devoted myself to my spiritual, intellectual and physical growth. I fight every day to achieve my eventual freedom.

I signed up for college courses, passed the battery test and was approved! They sent me a “Congrats” letter and the government packet. But now I can’t take the courses, because I’m in this Ad-Seg (my own damn fault). But there’s always next semester or year.

I did a lot of dumb stuff and the final thing is hanging over my head, “possession of an inmate-manufactured weapon.” This charge was referred by the prison to the Kern County District Attorney’s Office, and they have elected to prosecute. I’ve already been arraigned. I guess I’ve got a strike due to my prior conviction which can double whatever sentence I receive and require me to serve 80% of the time. They will probably try and stack this on top of the 18 years (at least) I have left.

This is pretty much a bummer. I don’t understand why when I’ve already been through so much crap and done so much stupid shit, that now when I am trying to do the right things and want to do well, this is thrown into my path.

A missile is launched by Satan at my hope. I prayed on this and asked God to help me slide by on this last thing and help me get a fresh start, so I can do what I have to do to be better. That obviously didn’t work since the DA is prosecuting.

I think of the book of “Job.” I wanted to curse God and die, but I didn’t. I prayed again instead and asked God to help me through this one too. I’m trying to get a lawyer to bargain a deal to have any additional sentencing time to run concurrent with the time I’m now serving. After all, it’s already Life — how can they add on to that? I don’t know how it will turn out. We’ll see…

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2 Comments
  1. Margie permalink

    Keep up your faith, it will see you through. It really sucks that you can’t take your courses while in Ad-Seg. Why should being in solitary make a difference?

    Like

  2. Keep your head up and believe in yourself!!

    Like

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