False Gods

The poem below is a song I wrote about the times I tried to kill my mental pain by shooting up heroin. Opiate addiction is very serious. While the drug does not alter neuro-pathways in your brain, it is physically addictive, and someone who’s hooked enough can die just trying to get off it. There are people who shoot up entire grams just to get well: this means they don’t really get high anymore, but they are so addicted that the body needs the heroin just to function. If they don’t get it, they get sick—throwing up, sweating, restless sleep. While I got pretty messed up on heroin, I thank God I never wound up this far down. In the words of Alice Cooper, “Using heroin is like saying, okay I am going to die.” Music is my way of dealing with the problems in my life and staying sane. In fact, music is my life.

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False Gods

I’m feeling all fucked up again
When will this pain ever end?
My head spins in circles
My thoughts fade into nothing
That I can understand
So I shove it back down again
where it belongs
Still I can’t help but wonder
Where I went wrong

I’m having so much trouble
trying to find a reason
Veil over my eyes
In search of something to believe in
Pray to my false gods
“Please take this pain away”
I feel the needle tear
That old familiar sting
And if you’re really there then I won’t feel a thing

My head spins in circles
My thoughts fade into nothing
That I can understand
So I shove it back down again
where it belongs
Still I can’t help but wonder
Where I went wrong

I wear my crown of thorns
Nail me to the cross
Crucified when I was born
But all I feel is lost
Why have you forsaken me
To burn in this Hell?
Feel my soul be torn away
From this empty shell

I’m feeling all fucked up again
When will this pain ever end?
My head spins in circles
My thoughts fade into nothing
That I can understand
So I shove it back down again
where it belongs
Still I can’t help but wonder
Where I went wrong.

Posted for  dVerse Poets, Poetics, October 14, 2014