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Unsent Letters

September 29, 2013

Unsent letters are supposed to be written, torn to pieces, and thrown out. They are meant to express yourself to people you are not in contact with OR say things you aren’t ready to say to people. The point is to get it off your chest / mind, to get rid of some of the pressure. Though I guess if I post them, they are not technically “unsent,” even though they will not be going to the person they are written to, because I do not know where they are. Nothing special really, just letters to a few women who fleeted through my life. A few of those friendships / relationships, I messed up. I was thinking of them. Here’s one I wrote to my paternal grandmother/ step-mother.

Jerilyn,

If you were alive, I wouldn’t be able to write you a letter, just as I can’t now. The only way I can put into words what I think and feel about you and what you did to me is through poetry. So I’d just send you a bunch of poems, nice and neat in a little binder or book or something, like the clear ones they use for reports in college. You are subject or part subject in many poems I’ve written. You’re somewhere in the verses of “Dead Inside,” “Bastard,” “Something to Cry About,” and “Hear the Child Scream.” I’ve put them all in a chapbook with the intent of publishing it.

Sean Michael, “The Mad Poet”

And another to a friend:

Dear L.B.A.,

Knowing you was one of a few great pleasures in my life… I don’t always get to “drift on a good memory.” The good memories I have are often blotted out by all the bad shit. You’ve got an idea of what I’m talking about from the time that I knew you. You are a good memory. Such a beautiful woman you are. I remember that after my court case, you came to visit me at that group home in Oceanside called Oz North County. It was a wonderful surprise. Only problem is, I sat there quietly and hardly said a word. You invited me to see a movie with you, and we never did get to go. That was my fault. The next time I saw you was at the court house, and you took me for a quick spin in your new Mercedes. You told me you were pregnant, and you looked so beautiful, all aglow with life. You, Laura B. are someone I really wish I could talk to again. I wish we could rekindle our friendship. You a a great memory. I really hope you are doing okay, that life is treating you well. I send my love and affection and a smile to you.

Truly,
Sean Michael, “The Mad Poet”

And another to an ex-lover:

Dear Y. G (aka “My Ladybug”),
Hope life’s treating you well. Please don’t mistake this next statement as bitterness for I promise you, it is not. I don’t think I truly loved you, and I don’t think you truly loved me. Truth is, love might not be something real. Well, I shouldn’t say that. I’ve seen people I felt were in love, they certainly acted that way. Just because a couple remains married for years, does it mean they are truly in love? Sure does sound like it. I know we could never be together again, and I’m not sure that even if we could, we would.

When I get out of prison, I may wander awhile, explore the hearts of others. I’m still writing a lot of songs and poetry–wrote one today. It’s a good song. Working on another as I write this.

Thanks for sticking with me, those two years I was in the county lockup. You helped me through a lot. I think County Jail is worse than this prison I’m in now, and that’s pretty bad.

I hear you’ve got two kids now. Wow! I wish you the best, Ladybug, truly I do. May your life be something good.
Truly,

Sean Michael, “The Mad Poet”

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One Comment
  1. Writing unsent letters is a good exercise to get emotions like these out, helps us to move forward. Reminds me of Alanis Morrisette’s “Unsent”, a song that she writes to all of her past loves. Thanks for sharing ~peace, Jason

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