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Another Unsent Letter

September 29, 2013

Dear C. J. (“Cherish”),

I’ve just been back tracking through my memories and there you are. Damn, I can’t believe I blew the opportunity of you and me. Oh, to be honest, I believe it too well. I fuck up so much, it’s normal. It’s like a heroin addict. Pretty soon he needs to dope to “get well” or “get right.” When good things are happening for me, like those seven months with you, I must find a way to fuck it up. I’m not better now than I was then–still insecure, nervous, blah, blah, blah, all that weak shit. I was really taken by surprise when things started going my way with you. And what did I say that one day when you told me you were going to keep in touch with me? “Yeah, right.” The words were just there on my tongue like a bullet in the chamber. One bullet I wish I would have bitten! And I guess that’s one of, if not the reason, you haven’t kept in touch, huh?

Love you, Babe, like all the beautiful women I messed things up with. There are a couple or a few, believe it or not. Couldn’t I have learned by now? So I started this song.

“Conversation With Myself”
Haven’t you learned anything
From the times before
Well, I guess you’ll always be the same
Fucking everything up
Glance in the mirror I turn away
Before I fuck myself up
Turn, face me, take part in this conversation
Turn grace me with your presence and dedication
See, that’s your problem,
You’re always giving up on me.

It’s an okay song, I guess; I’ve written way better songs.

It’s alright, I guess. It’s like there are two of me. The one in the mirror, and the one who looks into the mirror.

Well, I’m out of here, Cherish. I hope your wandering around is bringing you great satisfaction and pleasure. That’s the opportunity I’m talking about that I had with you. You must have liked me a lot to wanna be something semi-permanent or long term in my life by keeping in touch. Damn, I remember you getting a lot of male attention, including mine.

Anyway, glad to know you for the short time I did.

Sean Michael, “The Mad Poet”

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One Comment
  1. For me your sentiments are easy to relate to, some days all we can do is fuck up, but on those other days when everything seems to fall perfectly into place, even though these may be few and far between, for a few moments we can sense all is well in our own world !! Life is about searching for and finding these days and enjoying them to the fullest !!

    Like

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