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Something Wrong With Me

July 16, 2013

by Sean Michael, July 2013

Sometimes I think there’s something wrong with me

Sometimes I don’t know where I’m supposed to be

Sometimes I wish that I was dead

Sometimes I wish I could get away — from all these

thoughts inside my head

Don’t try to save my souldepression

I’ve already lost my soul

I’ve already lost control

Too many times to count

I beat my head against the wall

Until the blood comes out

I feel just like a child who’s lost and alone

Sometimes I think there’s something wrong with me

Sometimes I don’t know where I’m supposed to be

Sometimes I wish that I was dead

Sometimes I wish I could get away — from all these

thoughts inside my head

My skin is crawling

I’m disgusted with myself again

Sometimes I lash out at my only friends

Sometimes I just wanna be left alone

With my thoughts of you

And a better time when you really cared for me

Maybe I just made it up

And nobody really cares for me

 

Posted at  dVerse Poets, Meeting the Bar –Jazz Poetry

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From → BLOG, Songs

23 Comments
  1. Margie permalink

    Hard not to be depressed when you are in isolation. Your songs are very evocative.

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  2. Like reading a page out of my journal. Keep your head up

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  3. this def. has a bluesy feel to it… deep emotions…. and the question style works well here.. and sometimes we ARE our worst enemy and should be just a bit more gentle with ourselves…

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    • I wrote this song as kinda bluesy/Grunge rock. Jerry Cantrell (guitarist of Alice In Chains) is one of my inspirations, songs like “Dirt,” “Love, Hate, Love,” Rain When I Die,” and “Hate to Feel.”

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  4. Sadness expressed here… As Claudia said, it is ‘bluesy’ and it has the ring of truth as well, which is the hardest kind of blues.

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    • I’m glad that you experienced the ring of truth as you read the words of this song. I’ve got the lyrics inside of me. I just don’t have a great singing voice, but I think with the proper musical accompaniment I could pull off something halfway between singing & talking.

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  5. Oh those repetitions with variations really works so welll to give it a Jazz/Blues feel… and that permeating depression… so black so black.

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    • Are you from Sweden? I saw names like Björn in that book “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.”
      Thank you for your comment — I like it.

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  6. Heart-wrenching soul searching!

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  7. Those four lines repeating the same words and beats are most definitely blues territory, but I do hope they are not becoming a leitmotiv to your life.

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    • At the time, I kinda felt like it was–real fuckin’ heavy. But maybe it’s a little lighter now. This last depression lasted so long and was rough as hell. I’m doing better now though. Sometimes. I mean, it’ll be alright.

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  8. This is one of the most saddest poems I have ever read. and I feel for you man…I know exactly what its like to feel this way. Awesome poem man.

    What inspired you? If you don’t mind me asking.

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    • I have messed up things in my life repeatedly. When I wrote this, I was beating myself up about a few of these things, feeling like I was letting people down, myself included. Things were getting kinda rough and this came out of me onto paper in about 15 minutes. Pantera’s “Cemetary Gates” was playing in the background.

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  9. Somewhere between Lena Horne and Amy Winehouse, I hear a broken woman singing the blues – the blues of loss, of abuse, of abandonment, of frustration, of not meeting the mark, of not knowing she is beautiful, wondrous, superb, brilliant, talented, smart, and unique. Love yourself, baby..that’s what changed when women got upwardly conscious and we heard the truth from those positive black women poets: Nikki Giovanni, Sonia Sanchez, Maya Angelou, Rita Dove, Toni Morrison and more…we will overcome and we shall prevail!

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    • Not sure I’m thrilled about being compared to a woman … just kidding.. but I know what you mean. Amy had that sort of sound, and if she hadn’t OD’d maybe she could have sung a version of my song. I’d have surely let her. Loss, abuse, abandonment, frustration, not meeting the mark… yeah, I’ve been through it.

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  10. harsh man…but real feeling as well…we can be so hard on ourselves and really tear ourselves up…nice repetition…sounds like gramma cares for you…what dedication to post your poems…and send you the feedback…travel light man.

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    • That’s the truth — Grandma cares. Others do too, apparently. It’s just not very easy to believe when I am being so hard on myself, and change doesn’t come either fast or easy.

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  11. Hard journey those blues.

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  12. Sad, and so can relate to your post. It sings like the slow blue jazz that is related to dirges. Well done!

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  13. I truly hope that these aren’t reflections of how you are feeling right now. We all go through terrible times and hopefully come out the other side stronger, wiser people. This is excellent, the repetitions and the break in the rhythm are wonderful. If this is the journey you are travelling right now, I wish you all the very best.

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