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Music, Depression, and Me

July 6, 2013

July 6, 2013 Music, Depression, and Me

There’s this song by Megadeth called Skin O’my Teeth. I love it — you should listen to it. I feel like I’m hanging onto life by the skin of my teeth. I fuck things up so much. I don’t even try to destroy myself anymore, it just comes naturally to me. Everything good goes bad and bad goes worse. Ramble… Ramble… Ramble…

I’m going to say something now, and I don’t want anybody to think too hard about it. Music is one of the few things or the only thing keeping me alive. I have a family and support and things I need now, but I haven’t always. Music, I’ve always had. It kept me alive. I wanna die listening to music. I’ve been singing lately, entertaining the tier in ASU, even sang an original song I wrote. I want to sing it into the phone and have the sound loop posted onto the bLog and/or Facebook, but that’s months to come. If I’m still hanging onto life at that point.

music_til_death_by_n3m3th-d388id3

image by n3m3th

I’m such a loser and a failure, I can’t even kill myself correctly, maybe just too much of a coward, cuz I really wanna be dead. Also, I’ve never really done shit that was very great. Thought maybe I could publish a book then end it. Doubting now that will ever happen. You know the singer of Alice in Chains made a lot of good music before he overdosed. The guy in Nirvana made a lot of good music before he blew his brains out. I don’t wanna be like the Columbine kids I’ve been equated to, the mass killers who leave behind a legacy of ugliness and evil to be remembered. I wanna do something beautiful. Then I can finally end this fucking shit. Come on.

To let you know the kind of music I listen to, here’s a playlist:

It’s Been A While and Outside by Staind
Creep by Radiohead
Creep by Stone Temple Pilots
Unforgiven by Metallica
Sweet Child of Mine by Guns N’ Roses
A Tonte le Monde by Megadeth

Till next time, that’s it.

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