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Icy Claws and Razor Teeth

June 5, 2013

They say you can’t love someone until you love yourself. I think that’s B.S. Sometimes, not all the time like before, but sometimes is a lot, I do not like myself very much. I don’t like the things I write, what I feel, what I think, what I say, who I am. Doesn’t that sound insane and impossible? It’s sad but true. Someone once told me: “It’s easy to HATE yourself, difficult to love yourself.” That’s a whole other convoluted conversation… But still, there are people I love, who I would do anything for. Ask them.

The truth of the matter is: you won’t truly allow someone else to love you until you love yourself. The insecurities will rise to the surface with icy claws and eat you alive with razor teeth. You’ll wonder if they can hear your loathed thoughts, if they can see the ugliness inside, and why do they continue with this farce of love? Is it all a game? To hurt you more in the end? Family love you because they’re “biologically obligated.” The woman you are with loves you because she doesn’t really know you yet. She thinks she does. But if she knew me like I did, she’d hate me too.

Scream

This type of thinking drives a person crazy, sends them into the deepest darkest abyss. It starts to carry the ring of truth, but in reality, NOTHING HAS THE RING OF TRUTH, and so you search for truth and finding none create your own ugly truth. Right now, I even hate this post, so I’ll stop.

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