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On Being Shy and Writing

June 3, 2013

I guess I’ve always been a little bit “awkward.” Words never really came out right. I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I can remember twice, in two different “youth groups” by two different people, being told that I remind them of “one of those Columbine kids.” I was just an outsider. “Hangin’ out in my head,” I liked to say. I’m quiet but that doesn’t mean I don’t speak. I’m a loner but that doesn’t mean I don’t get lonely sometimes. I guess I’ve always expressed myself in writing better than in speech. Here’s a bit of an example, something I was remembering.

I met this girl once. I was 17, she was 29. She asked me how to get somewhere, I told her, then we parted. About a week later I met her again, and we hung out. I was my usual quiet self, but I didn’t want her to get bored and leave, so I was searching my head for all the things to say and just started running my mouth a mile-a-minute. So she grabbed my face and kissed me, and I was speechless again. She said, “I just had to do that because you looked so cute trying to figure out what to say to me to get me to do that.” That’s one of the times being weird and shy and awkward worked out for me.

I’ve always expressed myself better in writing, but I don’t suppose I could sit there and pass 5×7 cards back and forth with a woman. Looking back at all my writing, there is a ton of it that I don’t like very much or that I don’t think is very good. I guess it’s important for me NOT to just work on my novel or poems or songs or letters. But it is important for me to write what beckons me. I guess that’s important for any writer. When poetry is in my mind and heart, I must pen it, the same when it’s songs or when it’s the novel. There’s no real balance to it but I don’t want to neglect one or the other either. Lately, I’ve been writing songs, so I’ll post another one today. Let me know what you think of it.

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