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About John Smith and the Shadows

April 2, 2013

I recently posted a short story called “John Smith and the Shadows” about a severely paranoid man. While this story is fiction and the product of my imagination, I drew inspiration thinking about my first time using meth. I had not eaten or slept for nine days straight.

After taking the drug, I began to hallucinate heavily and invent wild stories in my mind. I mean I was on two or three trips at a time. It was honestly horrible. Not a “good time” at all. Let me make that clear. My experiences on meth were horrible, and I wouldn’t touch the stuff again for all the money, women, and fine wines in the world. Those are all material anyway! Meth stole my reason and completely numbed or froze or … emptied me on the inside.

I thought people were out to get me; I carried a butcher knife in my pants; I ran through the streets. Later, I split my wrist wide open with a razor. I was barely seventeen years old, and it was a bad idea. I was skeletal and insane — sort of like John Smith.

A lot of times when I write, I’m trying to turn my ugly pain into something beautiful. Sometimes it works, other times not so much. In this case, as in many, I am just not sure.


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